


너를 향해 달린다 (running towards you)

by khrysallis



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 05:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3797851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khrysallis/pseuds/khrysallis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(reincarnation!au) I'll chase you across ten, a hundred, a thousand lifetimes until I find the one where you'll return to me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	너를 향해 달린다 (running towards you)

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: genderbend, mentions of drug abuse, prostitution, homophobia, self-harm. also repeated character deaths.
> 
> by the way, the numbers at the beginning of each lifetime has its meaning. try and give it a guess :D

**One.**  
  
  
  
A sorry state.  
  
If Kris was asked to describe their situation right now, it was precisely that. They were both in a dismal state, him and Luhan. The smile on Kris’s face was sad, an expression which was entirely misplaced, where they were, and something in his chest ached when he saw the exact same expression reflected on Luhan’s face.  
  
There was a time when the wings on Luhan’s back were brilliantly white, pure in its colour and soft to its touch. But now it was the colour of ash, patchy and torn in various places. Kris was sure he was in the exact same condition, even if he couldn’t see his reflection in Luhan’s eyes.  
  
They did, after all, break the most fundamental rule which governed their lives as angels – _you are forbidden from falling in love_.  
  
Yet love was a peculiar thing. It started off as attraction, before gradually developing into something _more_ without them being any wiser. And the more they tried to resist, the harder they found themselves falling. By the time they came to terms with their own feelings, they were already too far gone.  
  
Perhaps it was also naïve of them to even have entertained the thought that they would not be caught, would not be persecuted for bringing their trysts down to Earth. The longer they went without anyone noticing, stealing kisses and having their bodies pressed impossibly close together beneath the sheets, panting and moaning wantonly – just like mere mortals did – the bolder and more complacent Kris and Luhan became.  
  
They thought they had the whole world to themselves.  
  
All it took was a brief moment of thoughtless passion for them to face their downfall. By then, it was already much too late for them to notice how tainted their wings had become.  
  
“This is not the end.” Kris glanced up at the sound of a million promises contained in five simple words.  
  
He still thought Luhan looked breathtakingly beautiful like this, even with tattered wings and a metal chain entwined around his tiny frame.  
  
“This is not the end.” Luhan repeated again, as though afraid that Kris hadn’t heard him. It was then that Kris noticed the Heaven's Guards approaching them from the distance, and he instantly realised that Luhan was really making an oath – for the both of them. “I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll chase you across ten, a hundred, a thousand lifetimes until I find the one where we’ll end up together.”  
  
Luhan was never really someone who’d throw his feelings out in the open, but at this moment, Kris could feel the sincerity radiating from him, and it certainly made up for all the times Luhan had very nearly said ‘I love you’ before backing off.  
  
Those three words were still left unspoken, even when they were roughly pulled up from the ground and shoved towards Heaven’s Gates. But it hung so thick in the air, Kris thought he could taste it if he tried. It was as sweet as it was intoxicating, reminding him of the way Luhan’s soft lips tasted on his.  
  
They could have had an eternity to be together, but now they probably had to spend an eternity chasing after each other, without really knowing what their efforts would bring.  
  
But _this is not the end_ , Luhan had promised, and Kris believed strongly in that.  
  
They were probably the only two angels who still had satisfied smiles on their faces as they found themselves banished from the place they’ve come to know for several millennia. It was the beginning of an arduous journey.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
**Twelve.**  
  
  
  
A cacophony of thunderous booms and billowing wind filled his senses as Kris rode low, the wings of his faithful companion flapping vigorously beneath him. He could feel the exhaustion biting into him, the dread beginning to overwhelm him with dark thoughts, but still Kris soldiered on. His companions have not shown signs of hopelessness; he should not be the one to start.  
  
The Guardians were giving their all, fighting with everything they had in them against the force that was threatening to take full control of the Tree of Life. It was the lifeline of EXO Planet, and with the evil force affecting its function, their beloved planet was already starting to show signs of deterioration and decay. Kris frowned at the sight; no one messes with his planet and gets away with it. He was sure the other Guardians also felt the same way.  
  
With a simple thug and the help of telepathy, Kris's dragon released a great ball of fire from her mouth, blasting the new set of Shadow Army which had risen from the depths of the earth apart. To his far right, Chanyeol gave a triumphant screech in his Phoenix form, before sending a wave of flames that tore through the rest of their enemy which hadn't been affected by Kris's attack.  
  
The success of Kris and Chanyeol's combined attacks gave the rest a great form of encouragement, which caused them to push on forth despite their obvious exhaustion. This was their beloved planet. They had sworn from the very beginning that they were going to protect it or die trying, and Kris didn't doubt that anyone was going to break their vow. Such was their pride as the Guardians of EXO Planet.  
  
Just then, though, something disturbed Kris's concentration, which was echoed by his dragon in the form of a frustrated roar. Through his exhaustion, it took Kris quite a bit of time to figure out what exactly was bothering him, and immediately the panic rose within. Luhan was distressed, and that didn't usually bode well for the rest of the Guardians. Being the person who connected everyone's minds, Luhan was an important entity in their group of twelve.  
  
Nevertheless, unbeknownst to the rest, Luhan meant a lot more to Kris than a mere comrade who grew up with him. He was someone Kris loved with all his heart and soul, second only to his love for their planet, and Kris's every action depended greatly upon Luhan's safety, especially in warring situations like these.  
  
Nodding once at Chanyeol to ensure that the boy got his message, Kris tugged lightly at his dragon's collar, willing it to steer them in the opposite direction where the pulsation of Luhan's mind was coming from. There was a bit of a resistance coming from his partner – Ace had never really liked Luhan, for the sheer reason that Kris didn't pay enough attention to Ace as he did before, his affections invested into someone else after so many years. It had taken Kris quite a while before he was able to convince Ace that he wasn't going to ignore her, before she slowly grew accustomed to Luhan's presence.  
  
After all, one couldn't stop themselves from falling in love, especially not when Kris could feel a particularly strong form of attraction to Luhan the moment they'd met, as though they were destined to be together.  
  
_Luhan_ , Kris called out urgently in his mind, for Luhan was one of the bravest warriors he's ever come to know, and for Luhan to send out such distressing signals, something must be terribly wrong. And Luhan was supposed to be well-hidden from the enemy's view, shielded in the castle where the Tree was located, for the sheer reason that his powers was not strong enough to go on an all out offense. _Luhan, what is going on on your side?_  
  
_Shadow Army_ , Luhan said, and instantly Kris's heart stopped beating for a brief moment. They weren't supposed to break through the force field built up by the combined powers of Suho, Luhan, and Kai; not yet. Unless– _I need reinforcements. Yixing has been knocked out and Kai is injured. We can't–_  
  
Luhan wasn't able to finish his sentence though, which made Kris worry even more. It wasn't until Luhan's presence was completely gone from Kris's mind that he finally realised what had happened.  
  
And he could feel his entire existence shattering with Luhan's loss, which in turn sparked the blind rage within him, and Kris couldn't be fucked if he were to be sacrificed, charging angrily towards the castle where the Shadow Army had felled his brothers, his lover.  
  
He wasn't going to show mercy.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
**Eighty Eight.**  
  
  
  
They knew this was wrong, what they shared between them.  
  
He had his reservations at first, too, thinking that he was queer for having set his sights upon the other man with soft facial features, instead of letting his gaze tail that beautiful daughter of a noble who had once passed him by, when every other man around him went weak-kneed at the mere sight of her. Song Qian was alluring, even Yifan would agree, with her lithe body and effortless grace. She was a goddess on Earth that made every man pine for her.  
  
But not Yifan, not when his thoughts were filled the face of another man.  
  
He smiled at the crisp blue skies above him as he thought back upon their first meeting. They hadn’t gotten off on a good footing, and Yifan had been immensely annoyed at the man with too-pretty features, thinking that the other man had his nose much too high in the air for his own good. But the more they had spent time bickering with one another, the more Yifan had been drawn to his charms, and in the end, even though it took a long while for him to admit, he realised that he’d fallen for Luhan.  
  
There was a pull which Yifan couldn’t ignore even if he wanted to; something which told him that he and Luhan were meant to be.  
  
Luhan hadn’t been receptive to Yifan’s feelings at first, however. Who would be, when even the sighting of a man and a woman being alone in a secluded place would draw scorn from the general public, let alone having two men indulging in intimate acts? Yifan was honestly contented to leave their friendship as it was, never pushing Luhan to do anything else beyond what he was comfortable with. He guessed he had to be thankful that Luhan did not avoid him after Yifan had made his feelings known.  
  
It took one argument with his father for Luhan over his arranged marriage to a girl from the neighbouring village to realise that it wasn’t the life he wanted, though – a life without Yifan by his side suddenly seemed so bleak. Yifan may have been the one who had confessed his feelings first, but Luhan was the one to push their relationship past the boundaries of simple friendship, claiming Yifan’s lips in the confines of Yifan’s bedroom.  
  
It was a complete freefall for the both of them after, kisses and embraces coming as easily as breathing. And contrary to their initial worries, having two men spending too much time together in the room didn’t exactly attract unnecessary attention from others. They had all the time in the world to make sweet, passionate love to each other, becoming more fearless by the day.  
  
Perhaps their complacency had led to them being caught _in flagrante delicto_. Yifan couldn’t suppress the humourless chuckle which escaped his lips as he continued watching the sky, a layer of woven basket marring his view, the weight of the boulder around his ankles real and heavy. He had never, in this life of his, thought that he’d be suffering from the same fate as adulterous couples, though he supposed it was only natural.  
  
No one could accept something that was out of the norm. A man making love to another man was repulsive. He understood that much. From the very moment his love had been reciprocated by Luhan, he knew they were treading upon a path of doom.  
  
“Yifan,” a soft voice called out for him, crystal clear above all the angry insults and words of disgust being hurled in their direction, and he turned to his right. Luhan was smiling softly at him. He could feel his heart constricting painfully in his chest. Even when their ends were looming, Luhan remained so blindingly beautiful.  
  
“Han, I’m sorry. This should not have happened.” He choked out, fingers curling into the bamboo basket he was trapped in. The sharp edges cut into his flesh, but Yifan didn’t care. There was nothing he wanted more than to reach out to Luhan, to caress his soft flesh with his hands one last time.  
  
Luhan merely shook his head, the smile on his lips indicating that he had accepted their fate. “I have never once regretted anything, Yifan. Being in love with you is everything I've ever wanted and more. So please, apologise not.” He swallowed thickly; it was the only time he had allowed his true sadness to show. Luhan was so incredibly strong, keeping his head held high through the trial. Yifan envied that.  
  
“Another life–” Yifan started, watching as tears blurred his vision. “In another life, I will find you again, and we will be together then.”  
  
A smile, a nod, and a silent _I love you_ were the last things that filled Yifan’s senses, before his world was drowned out by the oppressive waters.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
**One Hundred and Forty Three.**  
  
  
  
"You summoned for me, Your Highness?"  
  
Yifan was staring at his half-dressed reflection in the mirror when a small voice spoke up from behind. He hadn’t heard the double doors opening, but there was a small smile playing on his lips as he turned around to regard the servant with sandy blonde hair who was currently bent over in a deep bow, his back stiff. It was a smile he had reserved for very few people in the castle – people who didn't even include his own parents – yet it was bestowed for this particular person in the room with him.  
  
"Straighten yourself, Luhan. How many times have I told you not to be mindful of formalities when you're the only person in my presence?" Yifan quipped, sauntering over to his bed and taking a seat, his keen eyes still watching Luhan.  
  
"My apologies, Your Highness, but I do not wish to be decapitated before my time is due," Luhan replied seriously, but Yifan could hear the smile in his voice. Luhan straightened up then, beaming softly at Yifan. "How may I be of service, Your Highness?"  
  
Yifan picked up the chest guard laid out for him on his bed, and glanced expectantly at Luhan. "I need you to help me with my archery gear. You would not refuse, will you?"  
  
Luhan appeared conflicted for a brief moment, and Yifan could vaguely guess what Luhan was thinking about. Luhan was merely a footman, in charge of driving the Royal Carriage, and helping Yifan with his gear was definitely not part of his job scope. "But Your Highness, perhaps I should ask for–"  
  
"Are you telling me that you intend on going against my orders?" Yifan interrupted him, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly. The conflicted look was still on his expressions, but in the end, Luhan heaved a sigh, knowing that he wasn’t going to win this argument, and walked up to Yifan after another moment of hesitation. Yifan stood up and spread his arms out on either side, allowing Luhan to slide the chest guard in and pull it tightly around him.  
  
"Your Highness, pardon me for my insolence, but you do need to stop acting on your whims. This will get me into trouble." Luhan's voice was soft as he fastened the chest guard, and moved to pick up the arm guard and pressed it against the inside of Yifan's arm. Yifan liked watching Luhan like this, when his long lashes would cast beautiful shadows over his cheekbones, his small, perfect lips in an unconscious pout as he tried to knot the arm guard up. As reluctant as Luhan might be in getting too close to Yifan, he would almost never go against Yifan’s requests.  
  
It was selfish of Yifan, he knew, but nothing could stop his overwhelming affections for Luhan. As the crown prince, he thought he should at least have the power to choose the person he would spend the rest of his life with. Unfortunately, his parents do not share the same sentiments.  
  
"You will remain under my protection regardless. What is there to worry about?" Yifan only said when Luhan was done, and he surprised Luhan by cupping his face with a broad hand. "You know how much I want you, Luhan. Why are you fighting against this?"  
  
The conflict was back on Luhan's expressions in a flash. He was trapped between wanting to shy away from Yifan's touch, and wanting to stay there for fear of angering Yifan. He ended up sighing again. "Because you and I both know that nothing will come to fruition from this, Yifan." He said quietly, finally using Yifan’s birth name, the smile playing on his lips sorrowful.  
  
Yifan was reminded of the painful fact that he couldn’t run from his destiny, but he decidedly ignored it. Living in a controlled environment all his life, he had learned how to make the most of the smallest of moments, appreciating each of them as though he’d breathe his last tomorrow.  
  
He released his hold on Luhan’s face with much reluctance when someone suddenly knocked on the door, startling both of them out of their private moment. Yifan was comforted by the sight of Luhan’s encouraging smile as he turned around, though – one that told him they would have more of such moments when Yifan returned from his hunting trip with his fiancée. It was the only source of strength he had to hold on.  
  
“I wish you a good trip, Yifan,” Luhan said quietly before Yifan called for his servant to enter, bringing yet another smile to Yifan’s lips.  
  
It was the last time Yifan ever heard Luhan speak of his name, for he was doomed to never return.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
**Three Hundred and Eighty One.**  
  
  
  
These brave faces were but masks worn by his fellow soldiers, Luhan knew. He could see the fear threatening to claw its way to the surface as they ran backwards and opened fire at their enemy, the sound of gunshots loud in his ears, the smell of gunpowder pricking at his nose, irritating it thoroughly.  
  
Luhan wondered if any of them truly did not fear death. It wasn't as though they were given a choice to sit out of the war, when they'd been recruited into the army the moment they'd turned fourteen and deemed fit enough to fight for the country. Not even the scrawniest or wimpiest of his neighbours had been spared, though everyone knew of the fate which awaited them. These were the sacrificial pawns for the army, to slow down their enemy while the fittest of the lot tried to kill as many of their enemies as possible.  
  
It was distasteful – disgusting, even – but Luhan had long since learned to turn a blind eye to these happenings. To be merciful on the war field was to court Death.  
  
But now, it was Luhan's turn to taste fear on his tongue. They'd been caught up in an ambush that morning, owing to a failed intelligence mission, and have been on the run ever since, chased down by at least a thousand of the enemy's troops when they only had a tenth of that number. It was a miracle that he was still alive, an hour since the chase had begun, even though he'd been hit in the shoulder by a bullet.  
  
He could finally breathe easier when his commander ordered them into a cave the moment they'd gotten out of the enemy's view, and everyone was struggling to keep the sound of each inhale and exhale to a bare minimum, for fear of attracting attention. The stench of sweat and gunpowder and fear filled his senses once again, but Luhan tried not to be affected by it.  
  
A low growl escaped his throat moments later, however, when Luhan could feel a sharp stab of pain coming from his right shoulder. The adrenaline in his blood was wearing thin, removing all forms of distraction from his injury, and Luhan bent forward when the effects of his blood loss hit him, making his head spin. The throbbing ache in his head was made worse when Luhan whipped around the moment a hand squeezed his uninjured arm, thinking that their enemy had found out where they were hiding, and the adrenaline surged once again.  
  
Luhan wasn't going to admit it, but he was infinitely grateful to learn that it was another soldier from his battalion, that he'd been spared from his imminent death for the time being.  
  
"Are you okay?" The other man asked, and Luhan smiled tightly, not trusting himself to say a word. The nausea was hitting him full force by now, his vision filled by numerous images of himself, in clothes Luhan had never seen or worn before, in places which were unfamiliar to him. One thing was constant, however – he would always be present with the man who was now crouched before him, eyeing him with concern. One name rose above these strange visions, and it escaped Luhan's tongue before he could even stop himself.  
  
"Been better, Yifan," he croaked. He could feel the man's muscles stiffen at the mention of his name, but still Luhan couldn't trust himself to open his eyes.  
  
"I... didn't expect that you'd know my name." The man called Yifan pointed out as he helped Luhan to lean against the wall. His hand was so incredibly warm and comforting against Luhan's shoulder.  
  
"Have we never spoken before?" was Luhan's curious question, who smiled gratefully when Yifan pressed the edge of the water flask against his parched lips. There was nothing but familiarity radiating off Yifan's figure, almost as though Luhan had known him all his life, but he couldn't be sure if his head was playing tricks on him, taunting him while he was on the brink of losing his consciousness.  
  
The sound of heavy boots sliding across the sandy floor of the cave came next to him, followed by the press of a warm body against his injured side. Luhan clenched his teeth when his arm was raised, the pain tearing through his nerve endings in continuous pulsations, but soon it was dulled to nothing but a throb when Yifan tied a cloth around his wound to stem the blood flow.  
  
"We haven't." Yifan informed him several moments later, his voice quiet. Luhan's heart thumped in response. Yifan must think that he was hallucinating. "But you... you feel familiar."  
  
Familiarity to Luhan felt more like _love_ , like Yifan was someone important to him, but he couldn't bring himself to say them, for fear of scaring Yifan off with his queer comments.  
  
When most of the nauseating feelings had died off, Luhan slowly reopened his eyes, wanting to take in Yifan's features and commit them to memory, wondering if this Yifan looked the same as the ones in his mind. But as fate would have it, the enemy troop's uniform came into view the moment he did so, and Luhan's first instinct was to jump before Yifan and wrap his arms around the other man's frame to shield him from the incoming gunfire.  
  
At the very least, the pain was short-lived this time.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
**Five Hundred and Twenty.**  
  
  
  
A vocal admission would be mortifying, so Luhan refused to tell Kristina that he'd been wandering on this very street on a daily basis, if only to see her.  
  
He'd been attracted to her on the very first time he'd seen her, aided by the peculiar memories he couldn't seem to remember making. It had been three months ago, though Luhan had never failed to dream about Kristina since then, night after night after night. Sometimes, he'd be calling her Yifan, Kris, _Jiaheng_ , but the only thing which never changes was the way Kristina would hold him in his – her? – arms, tender and loving and Luhan eventually grew to crave for it, a thirst which only seemed to grow stronger with each passing time Luhan would find Kristina laughing in another man's arms. He wasn't much of a believer of the concept of reincarnation, but somewhere along the way, Luhan had learned to accept that it was real.  
  
He never had the courage to approach her, however. Kristina was a bombshell, the men who flocked to her wealthy and powerful in their own right. Who was Luhan to compare? He was but a university student who wore thick-rimmed glasses and a fraying sweatshirt to keep him warm on the colder nights of spring, with barely enough money to feed himself every day. As in love (could it even be called love, or was it curiosity which kept him going?) as he was with Kristina, Luhan knew of his status. He wasn't delusional. He was content enough to catch a brief sight of her every night.  
  
Or, that was what he thought.  
  
Fate loved to make fools out of humans, though Luhan couldn't stop himself from being washed away by its waves, sweeping him along its course. It was how he found a very drunk Kristina clinging onto his arm one night, barely able to stand with the amount of alcohol in her blood. He had half the mind to walk away, but his guilty conscience kicked in at the very last minute. He couldn't possibly abandon her on the streets when she probably couldn't even remember her name, let alone fend for herself if anyone decided to take advantage of her, so Luhan had dragged her home after much difficulty.  
  
What Luhan hadn't expected, though, was for him to wake up to the sensation of her bare breasts pressing against his arm on the very next morning. He fell right off the sofa from surprise, but it only made things worse when she crawled on top of him and smiled seductively at him. Luhan didn't think his dick could grow hard any faster than this.  
  
"Good morning, cutie," Kristina greeted, and Luhan could smell the _eau de toilette_ she still had on her; something expensive, no doubt. He could also smell the marijuana and the residues of alcohol. "Did you bring me home last night?"  
  
"I– I couldn't possibly leave you alone when you were drunk." Luhan said, flustered by her stark nakedness, for he was sure that he didn't touch a single piece of clothing on her the night before. Luhan blushed again when he remembered the times when he'd made love with Kristina's previous reincarnations, and he struggled to keep his arms by his side. It wasn't easy, when his muscle memory was affecting his senses.  
  
"And you were such a good boy, too. Rarely does a man bring me home without touching me." Kristina laughed, and Luhan found that he loved this sound as much as he did in all their previous lifetimes. She didn't seem to remember him, though, which made him simmer with disappointment.  
  
The panic surged through Luhan when her hands started to tug at the waistband of his sleeping pants, and he immediately clambered out of her reach. Even though his body yearned for her, it wasn't the reason why he had brought her home with him. "I'm sorry; I didn't bring you back here for that purpose."  
  
There was surprise and wonderment in Kristina's voice when she sat on her heels and looked at him, this time with a soft smile on her lips. "Do you not find me attractive?" She asked, but still she reached out and held onto the coat which Luhan handed to her.  
  
"I do–" Luhan admitted with a blush, but nevertheless felt thankful when she wrapped the clothing article around herself. "–but it doesn't mean that I _should_ take advantage of you."  
  
"You do know that I'm a prostitute, right? I'm used to sleeping with men." Kristina informed again, and Luhan could feel his nails digging into his palm.  
  
"It doesn't matter. I see you as a woman who still has her dignity to preserve." He told her, voice loud and firm despite how uncertain he'd felt.  
  
Kristina had left shortly after she had her shower, but it wasn't the last time Luhan saw her. She'd be waiting at his doorstep every other day, owing to his offer for her to stay over if she didn't have a place to crash in, though nothing ever happened. Luhan would allow her to have his bed while he slept on the sofa, and gradually they managed to build a good friendship along the way.  
  
Having Kristina around so frequently also meant that his feelings for her grew even stronger by the day. Luhan wasn't always happy with what he learned about her – she did drugs, allowed other men to abuse her as they pleased, as long as they could find satisfaction at the end of the night and she could have her money – though he vowed to protect her as much as possible from the evils of the world. More often than not, she'd be crying in his arms whenever she confessed about her dark past to him.  
  
Beneath those flirtatious smiles and upfront personality, was a woman who was shattered and depressed beyond repair. That fact never failed to elude Luhan, even as he finally claimed her lips with his uncertain ones in his bedroom, their clothes slowly sliding off their shoulders and onto the floor. It didn't stop Luhan from wanting to patch her up, holding her together with his arms even as she fell apart with every thrust of his into her.  
  
He wanted to believe that they were in love, that Kristina was in love with _him_ , that they'll be able to carve a brand new life for themselves if they tried hard enough.  
  
But Luhan soon learned that it was all but a fairytale crafted with his own hands, something insubstantial he'd conned himself into believing, when he came home from university one day to the sight of Kristina's cold, lifeless body lying on his floor.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
In certain lifetimes, they would never cross paths, but it never stopped them from living them feeling like a gaping hole had been gouged out of their chests, their efforts in searching for the reason behind the hollowness all for naught.  
  
These lifetimes were often the most tormenting.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
**Eight Hundred and Thirty One.**  
  
  
  
"Aren't you going to shoot?" Luhan taunted with his arms spread out on either side of him, the smirk clear on his lips.  
  
Such bravado for someone who was trapped, Kris thought. Only a flimsy metal railing separated Luhan from a ten-foot drop to his death, and there wasn't anywhere else where Luhan could probably run to. They both knew that Kris was the faster shooter between them both, having worked together closely in the past.  
  
The thought itself made Kris tighten his grip around the handle of his gun, his thumb pulling on the hammer as a bullet clicked into place.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" He raised his voice above the roar of the air vent, a new war brewing within him. Kris could only hope that Luhan hadn't noticed the way his hand was trembling. He didn't want to shoot. Couldn't shoot. But his loyalties lied with his organisation – the organisation which Luhan had betrayed, the reason why Kris was sent to hunt Luhan down.  
  
When news of Luhan's betrayal had spread through the organisation, Kris already knew what was coming for him. The superiors were adamant at appointing him to kill Luhan, for the sheer reason that there wasn't anyone else who knew Luhan better than Kris did. They could read each other's moves, having been partners for more than a decade of their lives.  
  
At least, Kris _thought_ he knew Luhan. He forced the memories of Luhan's lips sliding across his out of his head.  
  
"Money, of course." Luhan said as-a-matter-of-factly. "With our skills, we could be paid a lot better than what we're getting from SM. You know that. Why are you willingly staying there?"  
  
Kris couldn't believe what he was hearing. "They were the ones who picked us off the streets and trained us to be who we are today!" He yelled, hands shaking with rage now. He'd always thought of Luhan as a person who was loyal to his roots, but apparently not. _Disappointed_ didn't even begin to cover how Kris felt about the situation right now.  
  
As fearless as ever, Luhan began walking towards Kris with his hands in his pockets. His own gun had long since disappeared in the darkness, after that brief physical fight he had with Kris, and Luhan was completely unarmed – a sitting duck who was as good as dead, as far as Kris was concerned. "We all live in a materialistic world, Kris. Don't tell me you'd gladly sacrifice wealth for some principles that you couldn't let go off. We're _assassins_ –"  
  
Luhan stopped in his tracks when Kris raised his gun further and aimed between his eyes. "Having a principle to hold on to is better than giving up your integrity." Kris seethed. "I _trusted_ in you–" _Loved you_ –  
  
"Then perhaps your trust is misplaced, Kris." Luhan was smirking still, but that expression melted into one of panic the moment the sound of a gunshot reverberated on the rooftop, and Kris found himself being bowled over by the weight of Luhan's body, both of them falling onto the floor with a painful thud.  
  
Everything happened so soon, Kris couldn't even begin to comprehend what was going on. When the initial confusion began to wear off, Kris found another man hovering over him with his gun trained in Kris's direction. He wanted to move out of the way, but Luhan's weight still remained on top of him. It wasn't until the smell of blood hit him square in the face that Kris realised that Luhan had taken the shot for him, _saved_ him.  
  
"Pity you had to die like this, Luhan," the newcomer said, "but I guess that's what you get for getting romantically involved in our line of work."  
  
Kris didn't even get the opportunity to find out what the man was talking about, when another round was fired, and his head was thrown backwards from the impact of bullet against his skull.  
  
_I'm sorry_ was the last thing he heard before his world went black, along with the sound of another gunshot.  
  
  
  
  
..｡.:*:.｡..｡.:*:.｡..  
  
  
  
  
**One Thousand Three Hundred and Fourteen.**  
  
  
  
Sometimes, Yifan thought that he was going insane from the stress of being a trainee. There were more nights than one when he would find himself jolting up from his sleep, his dreams filled with images of him dressed in different clothes and being implicated in different situations, many of them which have ended in his death. The most peculiar part of these dreams was the fact that his fellow trainee Luhan would be with him, gentle touches on his skin and even gentler words whispered in his ear.  
  
Sometimes, these dreams would overlap with reality and Yifan would see himself raising a gun at Luhan's smiling face, confusion and betrayal drowning his senses when he pulls the trigger.  
  
It was for that sheer reason that Yifan refused to get any closer to Luhan, for fear that he might really end up killing that doe-eyed trainee from Beijing by mistake.  
  
He wasn't insane. He really wasn't.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
If it wasn't fate playing tricks on him, Yifan really didn't know what else could possibly be at work, when he found himself in the same meeting room as Luhan on the day that they were supposed to find out about their future in SME. A total of twelve trainees have been gathered together, and Yifan swore his jaw was completely unhinged the moment Lee Sooman announced that they were going to debut as a group, as two halves of a whole. Yifan was going to be in the same subgroup as Luhan, and they were supposed to be promoting in China together.  
  
He could feel his body grow cold several days later, when the concept manager began describing to them in length about their debut. Flashbacks of him riding a dragon came to mind, making Yifan feel nauseated, because he could really see all twelve of them with their supposed special powers, as Guardians of the Tree of Life. It sounded cool, and the other members were enthusiastic about it.  
  
Except, unbeknownst to the rest, they have lived such a life once, in a lifetime where no one but Yifan could remember.  
  
This must be a joke. It really must be.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
It's one week into their debut that Luhan first approaches him, cornering him in his room while Jongdae was hanging out in Minseok's room. " _Duizhang_ ," he said, a frown obviously displayed. "Did I offend you in any way?"  
  
Confused, Yifan spluttered. "What? What are you talking about?"  
  
Luhan didn't even bother with an invitation as he sat himself on the edge of Yifan's bed, staring at him with an intense look in his eyes. "I don't know if I'm imagining things, but you become tense whenever you're left alone with me in the practice room."  
  
"You're imagining things." Yifan replied almost immediately, but it sounded as though he was confirming Luhan's suspicions, even to his own ears. He winced internally when Luhan raised an eyebrow at him. Smooth move.  
  
"Fine, then can we forget everything that had happened between us and start anew?" Luhan asked, and Yifan's blood froze again. It seemed as though Luhan knew of the things Yifan dreamt of night after night, but he couldn't be sure. His expressions were much too neutral for Yifan to read into them. "We're going to be working together for a long time, and I'd rather not have any form of tension existing. It makes things difficult in the long run."  
  
Even though Yifan still wanted to put as great a distance between them as he could, he could also understand where Luhan was getting to. They were supposed to be a team, and their fans have keen eyes. It wasn't going to be difficult for them to sense the tension simmering between him and Luhan. There were already rumours surfacing in their fancafés, that Yifan couldn't see eye to eye with Luhan, and Yifan was eager to quash them before the higher management decided to take matters into their own hands.  
  
So Yifan forced a smile and extended his hand for Luhan to shake. Little did he know, though, that he'd be falling into a downward spiral with Luhan's existence once again, the way he had always dreamt of them happening.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
Luhan's cheeks were dusted pink as they stumbled into the dorm, exhilaration filling their senses from their win at the awards ceremony. It was like a dream come true, being able to snatch the Best Newcomer Award, especially after they've sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears while training for their debut, as well as the obstacles they had to face afterwards. Cheesy as it might sound, Yifan was glad that he did this with EXO, with the people who have been with him for as long as he could remember.  
  
" _Duizhang_ , let's continue drinking!" Luhan whooped as he pranced over to their refrigerator, pulling out two more bottles of beer despite Yifan's initial protests. They were the only two in the dorm, since the rest of the M members have decided to continue partying with their K counterparts. Yifan had taken it upon himself to get Luhan back to his room before the boy had collapsed completely from intoxication, a move that was supported by their managers.  
  
Yifan merely laughed as he supported Luhan in his arms, the latter having stumbled on his feet on the way out of the kitchen. "Whoa there. You should slow down with the drinks. Manager hyung's not gonna be happy if you crushed your nose from a fall," he chided gently, shaking his head to clear his mind when a similar scene popped up in his mind. By then, Yifan had realised that his dreams were actually recollections of his past lives – lives which he had spent chasing after Luhan and vice versa, like a loop where neither of them could escape from.  
  
He didn't know if Luhan shared the same dreams, but he could only hope.  
  
"If you're happy you should celebrate it with me by drinking more!" Luhan cheered again, this time surprising Yifan in the process by wrapping his arms around Yifan's neck and pulling him down onto the sofa with him.  
  
The laughter trailed off when they both opened their eyes and found their faces mere inches away from each other. Luhan's gaze on him had turned serious somewhere along the way, as though daring Yifan to make the first move. If Yifan leaned in just a little more, their lips would already be touching–  
  
"Yifan–" Luhan whispered just then, causing Yifan to snap out of his trance-like state. He cleared his throat and immediately pried himself out of Luhan's hold, turning on his heels to head to his room.  
  
His heart was still pounding wildly against his chest, even as he said, "You should head to bed, Luhan." He doesn't harp on the disappointment which flashed across Luhan's features when he had pulled away.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
The atmosphere in the dorms was tense the moment Yifan had stepped into it, his manager trailing after him with Yifan's luggage in tow. He hadn't expected to see all of his members in the living room, but he could tell that they were upset with him, from the way they were glaring at him. Zitao was the first to lose control over his emotions, stomping all the way into his room without even saying 'hi', while Yixing chased after the youngest of their group, possibly to talk some sense into him. Minseok and Jongdae, too, excused them soon after, claiming that they had to catch up on their Mandarin lessons.  
  
A wry smile pulled at the corner of Yifan's lips at being left alone. He couldn't say that he was offended by their reaction – he did, after all, leave for Canada without saying a word. They had every right to be mad at him, considering the fact that he had unnecessarily delayed their comeback with his sudden absence. Yifan couldn't bring himself to tell them the truth though, about the problems surrounding his family members and the need for him to head back to be with his mother.  
  
He didn't know what to feel, however, when he walked into the room and found his things relatively untouched, though Jongdae's things have already been moved out of it. If it wasn't a clear show of Jongdae's opinion on his leaving, Yifan didn't know what it was.  
  
A gasp was pulled out of him when someone suddenly rested their forehead against Yifan's back, effectively trapping him between the wardrobe and another body. The warmth felt familiar enough, so Yifan wasn't as alarmed. He was only surprised that the other man would pull such a bold move, especially when the door to his room was left open and anyone could walk in on them.  
  
Yifan had long since learned not to fight against his desires, though, and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Han, what's wrong?"  
  
"Did you know worried I was when you suddenly disappeared?" Luhan said softly, and Yifan could hear the insecurities and fear in his voice. It was unlike Luhan to display his vulnerable side like this, but it didn't stop Yifan from feeling that he needed to protect the older man.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Luhan's fingers dug into Yifan's hips, as though he was trying to anchor himself to reality. His breaths felt hot against Yifan's skin, even through all the layers of fabric. "Please. Don't ever pull such a stunt again. I don't want to lose you another time."  
  
Yifan swallowed thickly at the request, and nodded. "I won't. Promise."  
  
  
\--  
  
  
Sometimes, when he thought that no one else was looking, Yifan would sneak his hand beneath Luhan's blanket, holding Luhan's trembling hand in hopes that he could at least calm Luhan down. They all knew of Luhan's morbid fear of heights, and every trip on the plane was a brand new battle for Luhan.  
  
At times like these, he relished in the way Luhan would squeeze his hand back in thanks, and how Luhan would end up sleeping against his shoulder.  
  
If anyone thought it weird that they'd be so comfortable in each other's presence, no one commented on it. Yifan was fine with the way things were between them.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
He wondered how many promises he had broken, when he found himself standing face to face with Luhan once again. It was five months ago since he'd last seen Luhan, on the night before he had grabbed his bags and walked out of EXO for good. Luhan had been fast asleep by his side on the hotel bed, completely exhausted from their showcase, and he hadn't even stirred when Yifan had extracted his arm from beneath his head.  
  
In a sense, they were both treading on uncertainty. They have never talked about the gradual change in their relationship dynamics, nor of the touches and lingering gazes they exchanged. There was an aching need within Yifan, to pull Luhan into his embrace and whisper in his ears that he loved him, has loved Luhan ever since the beginning of time, but he had never dared to tip that scale over, preferring to keep it in a precarious balance, pretending that they were just friends, colleagues.  
  
Right now, though, with Luhan standing before him, tears wetting the corner of his eyes, Yifan knew that his self-restraint was as good as gone. He had made a promise to himself, that he wouldn't hurt Luhan ever again, but here he was, allowing the cycle to repeat itself over and over again.  
  
_Liar_ was the first word Luhan threw at him, reminding him of the promise he'd given Luhan more than a year ago, that he wouldn't disappear without saying a word again. It wasn't as though Yifan didn't take his promise to Luhan into consideration when he decided that enough was enough, but it was much too risky to let another person know of his plans to file a lawsuit to nullify his contract. There was a good chance that the company would put a stop to his plans and hold his passport hostage if they found out, and it was a risk Yifan couldn't afford to take, not when he knew of the repercussions that would follow.  
  
"I'm sorry," Yifan croaked. He'd beg for forgiveness, if Luhan demanded for it, but at this particular moment, he was struggling just to keep himself together. He'd appeared at the doorstep of Luhan's home the moment he heard of the news of Luhan filing for contract nullification just like him, knowing that they were in the same boat now. There was nothing to lose.  
  
"You know how it feels to be separated time and again, don't you?" Luhan asked, his voice on the verge of cracking, bringing with it a sense of desperation that struck Yifan deep within his soul. Even though Luhan hadn't said it outright, Yifan knew by instinct that he wasn't the only one who remembered about their pasts, and how they had spent a millennium chasing after each other.  
  
But _I'm sorry_ was all that he could pry out of his parched throat, not knowing what else he could say or do to make amends. He knew he didn't deserve to be forgiven if Luhan didn't want to offer it to him, after all that he's done to throw Luhan into another lifetime of uncertainty. Still, Yifan slowly walked towards Luhan, hoping that he'd still be accepted. He didn't want a repeat of the last lifetime he could recall, of them pointing their guns at each other's heads. They had made a vow, back to the time when they were still angels in heaven, that they'd chase the other down until they find a time where they could finally be together, no matter how arduous the journey. Yifan wanted to stay true to that oath, and hoped that this was the lifetime they have both been working hard towards.  
  
Luhan was the one to cross the last of that distance between them, glancing hopefully up at Yifan when he was close enough. "Do you remember that promise?" He whispered, right hand clenched into a tight fist, almost as though he was physically restraining himself from reaching out for Yifan before he knew what Yifan's answer was.  
  
Yifan smiled as he cupped Luhan's face in his hand, watching in fascination as his lashes flutter shut at the contact. No matter how many lifetimes they have gone through, one thing remained clear to Yifan – his heart would beat for Luhan's sake, no matter what happened. "Your wings were the prettiest amongst the other angels in heaven; have I ever told you that before?"  
  
"Funny, how I had the same opinion about yours," Luhan replied softly, and Yifan held his breath when Luhan went on tiptoes to meet his face. "Now... perhaps you could tell me if that promise is still fresh on your mind."  
  
Yifan needed no further words as he held Luhan gently by his chin, leaning forward to press their lips together. Even though it was the first kiss they were sharing in this lifetime of theirs, he could taste the familiarity of Luhan's lips on his, the way Luhan would always, always fit perfectly against him, no matter how much time had passed between them, regardless of the things they've had to go through to get to where they were now.  
  
This time, Yifan was going to make the most out of their promise. 

 

  



End file.
